Wednesday, November 13, 2019

Sisters! Adoption After Secondary Infertility






I remember so clearly the first time to talked on the phone with Nikki and Andrew. They were struggling with secondary infertility and adoption had been growing in their hearts for a long time. I connected with their story because it was the same journey my husband and I walked. They welcomed home their second daughter and just a few years earlier we welcomed home our second son. They were faith filled, purposeful, and I watched them lean into their journey with such hope. It was such an honor to work with them and now I get to call them friends. I hope their story below encourages you the way it has me.




Nikki and Andrew's Adoption Story


"We started our adoption journey with great hesitation after 14 months of fertility treatments for secondary infertility. We had felt like God had been laying adoption on our hearts for some time but we had been ignoring that call. Finally our hearts were broken enough that we knew we needed to say yes to being faithful to that call.

After one call with her my mind was put to ease and we were ready to get started with CAC. I knew they would be ethical and help us along the way while always pointing us back to the Lord.

We started off at full speed because that’s the way I do everything! In my mind if I went as fast as I could, I could get to my baby sooner. I set out to do my home study in record time, only to be held up 105 days waiting for a single piece of paper. This was my first experience with this whole adoption journey being out of my control! It would be the first of many.

Once we finally got our Home Study approved I was ready to rock and roll! We said yes frequently never wanting to have any “down time”. Always moving towards our baby as fast as we could. We were heart broken when over and over we would be passed up for another family. It is very hard to keep your head up and not start to wonder what is wrong with you and your family. Fallon was always good to remind me that it’s all in Gods timing and in His hands. He would not let us miss our baby! He had already chosen the right baby for us it was only a matter of time. She was an authentic and true encourager during our journey.

So many twists and turns with our agencies and their processes. So many cases sounded like they would rather have a family with no children. We started to get very discouraged and worried that we would never be chosen because of our daughter Lyla. She would make such a great big sister but it started to seem hopeless to us.

We had some pretty amazing twists and turns that led us to being listed with an agency in Nevada that we never intended to apply to. God was at the wheel making sure we had a straight path to our daughter and her birth family. Later I would learn just how busy He had been helping and working with our daughter's sweet Birth Mama and making her path to us straight. She had been matched with an unethical agency and was mistreated (also, why we were so glad CAC only works with ethical agencies and not one like that). She found her way to that Nevada agency and found the love and care she had been looking for. We said yes to her story because we had so much in common! She tells us now that when she opened our profile book tears filled her eyes because she knew immediately that we were the ones. God had been laying adoption on her heart too all along. Even more, she wanted us BECAUSE of our sweet Lyla! How could we have ever thought that our sweet girl would be a hindrance to God’s plan!

We were in the waiting period a little longer than we had planned but our match was so short that we still had our daughter in our arms 8 months after our home study was approved and only 11 months after we started the process and hired CAC! We would have gone through this season a thousand times over to know our daughters birth mom and walk alongside her.

When you are in the waiting period remember: It’s so hard to wait when it feels like God has gone silent and you don’t know when it will end. From the other side, I can tell you, without a doubt, that God is busy during those silent times. Don’t forget how many people’s hearts He is working on and through during this time. You can’t mess it up. You won’t miss your baby. God will not leave you in the valley! Your baby is coming!"





***If you are interested in learning more about adoption and services we provide at Christian Adoption Consultants, I would love to chat! Feel free to email me, Fallon Palacios, at   Fallon@christianadoptionconsultant.com and check out www.christianadoptionconsultants.com for more information!! ***

Wednesday, October 30, 2019

Healthy Adoption Language



When we first started our adoption journey we were so uneducated in this new world we were stepping into. And for most of us who have never looked into the depths of adoption, adoptee testimonies, or have known birth families we are left at square one. Which is a great place to be because you can only grow and learn more if you choose to be teachable and truly lean in. I was thankful enough to have multiple people I looked up to in the adoption community openly share healthy adoption language. And let me tell you, words matter! They matter to the mom who placed her child, they matter to the adoptee who didn't chose their future, and they matter to the adoptive parents who put their entire lives into walking this journey. Words matter! 

If you are in the process of adopting, know someone who is adopting, or just want to better your adoption vocabulary keep reading. Most people will think these words are harmless, but we can lovingly help educate those around us, especially those who will be involved in your child's life as they grow. Being an adoptive parent myself I know first hand that most people WANT to have healthy adoption language, they just don't know it. So take a deep breath, try not to be offended, but instead take it as an opportunity to lovingly share with those around you. If you're an adoptive parent or hopeful adoptive parent it's our job to do adoption well, and this can be part of it:)

I can't even begin to tell you how hurt a birth mother would be if you asked her why she just "gave away her baby." Instead she is lovingly and carefully choosing a family to "place them" with. Purpose, care, thought, consideration, and discernment goes into who she chooses to forever care for her child. 

Or when a stranger asks an adoptive parent if they in fact still want "kids of their own." I can tell you from personal experience that both my adopted and biological children are in fact my own. And as their "real mom" I care for my children in real and beautiful ways. 

I would love to write a specific post about each one of these terms and why it's so important to understand the weight of what we say in the adoption community. I hope this encourages you and maybe even learn something new today. 

Feel free to read below !!


Terms to Avoid  and Positive Adoption Language





Unhealthy language                                      Healthy adoptive language 
Real mom/natural mom                                 Birth parent, birth-mother, birth-father 

Birth-mother (who is still pregnant)         Expecting mom who is considering adoption 

Children of your own                                     Biological children

Adopted child/own child                                My child

Adopted child                                                 Child

Is adopted                                                       Was adopted

Illegitimate                                                     Born to unmarried parents

Give up or put up for adoption                       Placed for adoption/ made an adoption plan
Adopt out                                                        Adoption

Keep the child                                                 Chose to parent/Empowered to parent 

Mixed race                                                       Bi-racial 

Bi-racial family                                               Trans-racial family/Muli-ethnic family 

Foreign adoption                                              International adoption

Hard to place/Available children                     Adoptable/waiting children

Handicapped                                                    Disabled/special needs




Terms to avoid :

“She’s so lucky to have you as parents.”


“You are such good people. I couldn’t raise someone else’s child.”


“She’s so much better off with you.”

Why to avoid?

These may sound like compliments, but they have many unintended consequences and are based on unhealthy assumptions. First, we as adoptive parents are the grateful/lucky/blessed ones to get the chance to parent these amazing children. 

Adoption also involves a loss though. Children grieve the loss of what could have been—the loss of their birth family raising them, the loss of a sense of connectedness, the loss of important medical and social history. It doesn’t matter how difficult the situation of their adoption was—it is still a loss.

As adoptive parents we walk through that loss with our children, acknowledging that pain and grieving with them. Focusing on how “lucky” they are denies children the right and space to grieve the real loss they have experienced. 

It also glorifies us as adoptive parents when in reality we are no different than any other parents. We wanted to be parents, so we became parents through adoption and we love our children. There is nothing heroic about that. Implying that there is sends the message to our children that it takes special people to love them, that somehow the love their parents have for them is charity.   (from an education adoption webpage) 


I hope this encourages you wherever you are at in your journey.



***If you are interested in learning more about adoption and services we provide at Christian Adoption Consultants, I would love to chat! Feel free to email me, Fallon Palacios, at   Fallon@christianadoptionconsultant.com and check out www.christianadoptionconsultants.com for more information!! ***

Monday, September 23, 2019

Dave and Cate's Adoption Story of Perseverance


It was such a pleasure to work with Dave and Cate in their adoption journey. I remember the first time we talked and heard their story of being active with a local adoption attorney for over a year but felt like they were slipping through the cracks. They experienced a devastating loss and didn't know how to move forward. They waited with such hope and anticipation but were starting to become discouraged. Then they heard about CAC and reached out in faith. They had fears about even being chosen because they were already parents and were told that they were "less desirable" because of their 8 year old son. But Jesus doesn't work that way, He knows that when we step out in faith amazing things happen. And this is their story, despite being told in the past it would take years, EIGHT weeks after becoming an active family were chosen by an expecting mom who would complete their forever family. 

DAVE AND CATE'S STORY


 

"The pregnancy with our first son was very difficult and when we heard that we would be unable to conceive another child we decided to look into adoption. Our son was diagnosed with Autism, so we put off adoption for a few more years to make sure he was getting everything he needed. Once we finally made the decision to move forward with adoption we quickly completed our home study and signed up with a local attorney. We were told that a match could take years because we had an older son which made us “less desirable” to expectant moms. We didn't know how to take that news, but we did know that we had a passion inside us to walk along an expecting mom and walk fully ahead towards adoption.

 

In February we were matched through our attorney and were so excited to finally complete our family. However, we were devastated when we got to the hospital and found out that this precious baby boy was born with a fatal condition and placed on life support and we were told we wouldn't be able to bring him home. We were wrecked for his mom, for his life he could have lived, and we went home in utter disbelief.  We felt like we were shells of who we were before. It took a long time for us to feel "normal" again and even though we knew adoption was rooted deep in our hearts we had no idea how to move forward. We needed support, guidance, prayer, and above all someone who was going to care for these expecting families incredibly well. 

I knew I could not give up on the dream God put in my heart, so I continued to wait for a possible match through our attorney but never heard anything. On various adoption Facebook pages, I kept hearing about Christian Adoption Consultants. I was shocked at how quick people were getting chosen by expecting moms and how you could sign up with multiple agencies at one time while having a consultant guide you through the process. Someone to actually care about my family and guide us through the process, that seemed so foreign from what I had experienced so far. I spoke to my husband and we decided to go for it. I contacted CAC and got a call from their amazing consultant Fallon. She told me about the ethical standards they had,  their low wait time, how to do adoption well, her amazing adoption story and it just seemed too good to be true, but I took a leap of faith and was signed up with CAC the next business day. Fallon created a beautiful profile book for my family and we were matched through one of their agencies in June (within the month of signing with CAC). About a week after the match the expectant mom had changed her mind and although we were happy she felt empowered to parent, we were heartbroken again. But this time I had Fallon right there to help me through the heart ache and to remind me that God had a plan for my family, also the agency CAC had matched through encouraged us and let us know that they would continue leading us well. 



Well God and the agency were true to their promises, and on July 14that 3:30 am I got a call that a mom wanted us to be the parents to her baby boy and she was currently on the way to the OR for an emergency c section. We met our son in the Utah in the NICU at 1:00pm that day because he was born early and right when I saw him I knew that even single step was worth it. The agency and Fallon were in contact with me throughout the whole experience and we never ever felt alone. The NICU staff in Utah was amazing and we brought our healthy baby home July 21, 2019. We named him Phoenix and he stands boldy in his name.  We had a wonderful experience with Fallon and with CAC and the agency they found for us.  I wish we would have known that there was a company like CAC in the beginning that cared about us through every single step of the process. Fallon was always encouraging, a phone call away at all times, and our family is now complete because of that step of faith." - Cate 




Saturday, September 7, 2019

Joey and Danielle's Adoption Story

When I first chatted with Joey and Danielle I could hear in their voice the passion they had for adoption. This would be their second time adopting through Christian Adoption Consultants and their arms and hearts were ready to grow their family again. Only 6 weeks after they became an active family they were chosen!  Watching their faithfulness in leaning into the wait time and trusting Jesus was beautiful to witness. They said yes with open hearts to a sweet baby boy who had already been born and what felt like minutes later they were chosen and packed up their car to drive to Florida. Watching their story unfold and seeing how beautifully they embraced their son's birth mom was incredible. I loved working with them and felt so grateful to walk side by side in this journey with them. Read their story below and feel encouraged. 



IN DANIELLE'S WORDS- 



"My husband and I began growing our family through adoption a few years ago. Our first adoption was a rollercoaster of all the things that began with working with a  local agency for a year and then changing over to CAC after the local agency closed their adoption program unexpectedly. Through that journey we really grew stronger in our faith and closer as a couple. The experience with CAC with our first adoption was wonderful. We felt well supported and prepared. As much as one can prepare with adoption. Without hesitation we knew that we would be reaching out to CAC again when we felt called to continue to grow our family. 

Our second adoption match happened rather quickly but it wasn’t without its ups and downs. We were grateful to have our consultant, Fallon to pray for us and walk along side us before and after the match. It is such a blessing to have someone in your corner that has walked a similar road. She was knowledgeable and so genuine. It was such a pleasure to work with her. 

In 2018 we felt some strong tugs on our heart to start the adoption process again. In September 2018 we started working with Fallon with CAC. We met with our social worker in September also to have our home study updated, took some family photos in October for our new profile book, and then we WAITED…. which is hard to do even when it is your second adoption and “you know what to expect”.  Just when you think you know what to expect, or that you have it all planned out perfectly,  the other shoe drops. So we thought that our homestudy would be approved by Mid October or early November.  After all it was just an update. We were told that the state was backed up with completing background checks and it was taking 8-10 weeks for clearance. Just a few weeks  before Christmas, after multiple calls/emails to check status, we found out that one of our applications had been rejected back in September when it was received because it was missing the smallest detail. An e-mail had been sent out to us to notify us, but we never saw it. WOW. Clearly this was a God thing. We needed to slow down as our baby wasn’t quite ready for us yet. We made the corrections, sent back the documents immediately and requested that the application please be reviewed sooner rather than later. We knew of course this would only happen if it was part of God’s timing. Thankfully for our eager hearts it was. The week before Christmas we got our approval from the state and our SW had the finalized home study for us the day after Christmas!! Fallon had our beautiful profile book ready for us to print weeks before so now we were ready to start seeing situations after the holidays! 


We saw several situations over the next 5 weeks. Each of us would review the situation and then we would agree to present or not. We presented to a few before our match. The “No’s” were hard to hear, but we were confident that God would not let us miss OUR baby.  While we were waiting, we learned about a sweet baby boy that was 2 weeks old in the NICU waiting for his forever family. There was something about him that tugged at my heart. However, we were still waiting to hear back from an expecting mom we were saying yes to. Praying for her and that she would have peace and clarity in whatever she chose. We waited a few weeks for an update to find out that she was choosing another family. Later that week we received a call from Fallon. That sweet baby boy in the NICU that had been born 2 weeks ago still needed a forever family. His mom had reviewed 9 profiles and was requesting more. WHAT?! We FedExed our profile books that Friday afternoon so that they would arrive by Monday. Mama “K” said when she saw our profile she knew. We packed up and drove through the night to meet our boy! We spent 5 days with Grayson in the NICU before he was discharged and then only waited a shocking 2 days for ICPC clearance. While we were there we had some good visits with Mama “K”. They were extremely emotional visits, but I’m so glad that we  had those moments so that I can share them with Gray as he grows up. Each of our boys have their own unique story, and we feel so incredibly blessed that we were chosen to raise them. We will never regret saying yes! " 



***If you are interested in learning more about adoption and services we provide at Christian Adoption Consultants, I would love to chat! Feel free to email me, Fallon Palacios, at   Fallon@christianadoptionconsultant.com and check out www.christianadoptionconsultants.com for more information!! ***

Karen and David's Story

The first time I talked to Karen and David on the phone I loved how they shared their story of what brought them to this place of saying YES. They were tendered hearted, full of faith, and believing that Jesus had them every single step of their journey. It was so much fun creating their profile book and getting to know their lives in the Pacific Northwest more and more and see how their love for each other would turn into a deep love for their daughter and her birth mom. I enjoyed working with them so much and could not be more excited to watch them become parents for the first time. Here is their story:

In Karen's Words- 



Today, as my husband so wonderfully reminded me, is the one year anniversary of us calling up the Christian Adoption Consultants number and signing up for the ride of our lives. Looking back and remembering each stage, each up and down of our rollercoaster, the biggest stability and hugest blessing we clung to was God's 
faithfulness.


He was faithful in leading us to CAC and allowing us to work with our incredible consultant, Fallon Palacios. With each stage and each new obstacle, God provided in so many questions being easily and quickly answered because CAC was always supportive and on our case. God was ever present in the little and tedious things...the paperwork and countless signatures involved that constantly cramped our hands. He provided us with a quick and smooth homestudy with very few hiccups. Our family profile book, as daunting as it seemed to complete, was quickly and beautifully constructed by our CAC consultant. What a blessing! And after mailing countless manilla envelopes to countless addresses, the next phase of presenting to birth mothers commensed. In each rejection, God reminded us that HE had the perfect plan for us. The "nos" were there for a reason, no matter how hard they were to hear. Then, when we heard that "yes", we celebrated yet again God's neverending faithfulness to us. 




We are so blessed to now have our beautiful little girl living in our home. However hard the wait was, we can honestly say God's hand was in EACH day of that nail biting, impatient waiting.  Because we now can look into our daughter's eyes and see her smile back at her mommy and daddy. What a precious sight! And it is our deep and fervent prayer that this beautiful girl will learn of God's faithfulness in her own unique journey. 




***If you are interested in learning more about adoption and services we provide at Christian Adoption Consultants, I would love to chat! Feel free to email me, Fallon Palacios, at   Fallon@christianadoptionconsultant.com and check out www.christianadoptionconsultants.com for more information!! ***